So all my life I’ve pretty much hated people. I know it’s a little harsh but it’s true. At least 5 times a day I say “I hate people” because I honestly do. Now don’t get me wrong I’m probably one of the nicest employees at my work. Except my resting Bitch faces makes people say “smile!” Or sometching stupid like that. Like I hate having to force a smile. Like I can smile in a conversation if I have to but if something doesn’t make me smile I’m not going to.
Anyway onto the real subject; am I an introvert or an extrovert? I really don’t like people. I love staying at home and chilling on my couch. I feel at peace when I can relax and not worry about going anywhere, but when I have too many days off I get antsy. I feel the need to go out and do something. It’s rare though but it does happen. On Sunday I just felt super lonely and I just wanted to do something so I asked my friend if she wanted to take her daughter to the park and for some chick-fil-a and that’s what we did. We also hit up Walmart because why not? That was enough social interaction I needed. Now I’m content on my couch once again. Also at my job when I am working up front on the register instead of in the back stocking I feel fine because I get to talk to all my friends up front and some customers are okay. Some of them I do get pissed at and bite my tongue a lot. I can handle about 5 hours up front before I start hating my life. If I am in the back stocking shelves for too long though I get lonely and look for someone to talk to after a bit. It’s weird I don’t know what I am.
I did work in a salon for a month but I hated every minute of it. I could stand the thought of being someone’s slave for minimum wage. When you are a hair stylist I feel like you have to be fun flirty and outgoing and that’s everything I’m not. I can joke around with people I’m too serious. I hate it when people joke with me like you’re not funny so stop. I hated being forced to talk to someone for 20 minutes to 2 hours at a time. It was just so exhausting pretending to care about someone’s life when I don’t. I was earning minimum wage, still sharing a car, still not being able to afford to feed my self all while hearing about these rich peoples’ problems. Then no matter how much I tried to please them or agree with them or try to relate with them it was never good enough and I always got attitude and when I finished I got a horrible $1-$2 tip. If I’m going to be treated like a garbage can I at least want $10 an hour. Being there gave me horrible anxiety and I called off 5 times within the first month so it was just better if I quit and it was one of the best choices I’ve made.
I will tell you this though. You will probably never catch me at a bar! I hate crowds, loud noises, and I really hate drunk people. I have never gotten drunk but I have had a drink or two. It’s nothing exciting really it’s honestly just a waste of money. I could be buying clothes or something with that you know? Just the ough of being at a nasty crowded bar makes my skin crawl! I’d rather do a more homey activity than go out for hours at a time. I just don’t see a point. I’d rather go for a hike, go out bowling, to a baseball game or something.
So I don’t know what I am. I’m probably that thing in the middle. Ambivert, I believe it’s called, but I feel like even if I am that I am leaning more towards the introvert side because it’s really hard for me to talk to people but I feel like I am getting better.